Recipes, guides and kitchen know-how. Mostly useful, occasionally silly.
Egg Puns and Egg Jokes - 100 Eggs-cellent Ones (We Counted)
100 egg puns and egg jokes: 30 one-word egg puns, 23 one-liners, 18 egg jokes for kids, 12 for adults and 17 egg pun names. Mostly our own, all tested on our family.
The best egg puns are the one-word ones - eggs-actly, eggs-cellent, eggs-traordinary - and the best egg jokes are the ones that make people groan before they laugh. Here are 100 of them, sorted by type, all tested on our family. Most of the family is still speaking to us.
This all started with our guide to how to check if eggs are fresh. We couldn't stop. We were told to stop. We didn't. Eggs-cuse us.
Use them in cards, captions, group chats, school lunchboxes and the speech at your best mate's wedding. Especially the wedding. Nobody will forget it.
There are 30 one-word puns, 23 one-liners, 18 jokes for kids, 12 for grown-ups and 17 pun names. Isaac counted. Twice. He was right both times.
One word egg puns
Swap "ex" for "eggs" at the start of almost any word and you've got an egg pun. That's the whole trick. It's the cheapest joke in the English language. Eggs-cept nothing.
- Eggs-actly - When someone's right and you hate it.
- Eggs-cellent - The classic. Use it on everything.
- Eggs-traordinary - For a really good omelette.
- Eggs-pensive - A box of six, these days.
- Eggs-plain - What you do when nobody laughed.
- Eggs-ercise - Whisking by hand counts. We checked.
- Eggs-pert - Anyone who can separate an egg first go.
- Eggs-hausted - How you'll feel by the end of this list.
- Eggs-cuse me - Polite. Pushy. Perfect.
- Eggs-it - Leaving a party early. Or a pan.
- Eggs-tra - Ask for it at breakfast. Get it.
- Eggs-plore - Every cupboard, looking for the egg box.
- Eggs-tremely - For emphasis. Eggs-tremely necessary.
- Eggs-ample - As in: for eggs-ample, this one.
- Eggs-perience - What you get from your first soufflé.
- Eggs-hale - Deep breath. Then crack.
- Eggs-press - Delivery. Or how you say what you feel.
- Eggs-ceptional - Birthday cards, sorted.
- Eggs-pect - Eggs-pect the unexpected. Mostly yolk.
- Eggs-pose - To reveal the bad egg in the box.
- Eggs-ist - I think, therefore I'm an egg.
- Eggs-tend - Add more milk. The omelette goes further.
- Eggs-hibit - Your best fried egg, photographed.
- Eggs-aggerate - This post. Throughout.
- Eggs-asperating - A shell in the cake mix.
- Eggs-quisite - Posh brunch. Posh puns.
- Eggs-static - When the Yorkshire puddings rise.
- Shell-ebrate - Party time. Bring eggs.
- Un-beat-able - Said of a stubborn egg white.
- Yolk - As in joke. Everything's a yolk to us.
Our favourite? Eggs-pensive. It stopped being a joke about a month ago. Eggs are up 19%. The pun's gone up with them.
Egg one-liners
Short, quick, one line each - these are the jokes for when you've only got one breath and one chance.
I'd tell you an egg joke, but it's not all it's cracked up to be.
Eggs never tell jokes. They'd only crack each other up.
I tried to write an egg pun. It came out a bit over easy.
Don't egg me on. I won't stop. Ask Aaron.
Egg prices are up 19%. I'm now scrambling to pay for breakfast.
My eggs float. Apparently that's an age thing. Same.
I'm on an egg-white diet. It's no yolk.
Poached eggs: the only crime I'll commit before 9am.
Hard-boiled eggs are just eggs with trust issues.
Scrambled eggs are for people who can't make a decision and don't mind.
Fried eggs are just eggs that have made their peace with it.
An egg with a good sense of humour is a practical yolker.
The egg went to the gym to work on its shell-f esteem.
I've told this egg joke before. It's been re-heated.
Some days you're the egg. Some days you're the frying pan.
Sunny side up is a breakfast and a personality. Eesha has neither before 10am.
I bought a new whisk. Now I'm whisking it all.
I wouldn't trust that egg. It's been cracked before.
My meringues didn't rise. Whites lies, the lot of them.
I'm not saying I'm good at omelettes. I'm saying I've broken a lot of eggs.
Why did the omelette go to therapy? Too many broken eggs in its past.
An egg and a rasher of bacon walk into a café. The waiter says, 'Sorry, we don't serve breakfast.'
Life's like a boiled egg. Get the timing wrong and it all goes grey round the middle.
If the whisk one landed, ours has a built-in scraper. The pun was free. The whisk isn't. But it's cheaper than eggs.
Egg jokes for kids
Question and answer, nice and clean, and short enough to read out at breakfast before the soldiers go cold.
Why did the egg hide? It was a little chicken.
What do you call an egg that tells jokes? A practical yolker.
Why don't eggs tell each other secrets? They might crack up.
What did the frying pan say to the egg? You crack me up.
Why did the egg go to school? To get egg-ucated.
Which day do eggs hate most? Fry-day.
How do baby chicks get to school? In a hatchback.
What do you call an egg from outer space? An egg-stra-terrestrial.
Why did the egg cross the road? To prove it wasn't chicken.
Where do eggs go on holiday? New Yolk.
Why was the egg so good at football? It always knew when to scramble.
What do you call a sleepy egg? Eggs-hausted.
Why did the egg get sent out of class? It kept telling yolks.
What's an egg's favourite thing to do at the weekend? Shell-ax.
Knock knock. Who's there? Egg. Egg who? Eggs-tremely pleased you asked.
Why did the egg join the band? It had a great beat.
What did the egg say to the whisk? I know when I'm beaten.
Why was the egg always cheerful? It looked on the sunny side.
Erin tried every one of these on the breakfast table. The eggs didn't laugh. Erin has decreed that this is the eggs' fault.
Egg jokes for adults
Still clean, but with mortgages, money, middle age and office life in them - the ones you'll only get once you've bought your own eggs.
I bought a box of eggs this week. The bank's sent someone round.
Egg prices are up again. Breakfast is now a financial product.
My financial adviser asked about my nest egg. I showed him the box. He didn't laugh.
Why did the egg quit its job? It felt it was being poached.
Why do eggs make terrible managers? They crack under pressure.
My egg timer and I aren't speaking. It said I'm always three minutes late.
I went on an egg-only diet. After a week I was a shell of a man.
The egg called in sick. Said it was feeling a bit fried.
Why don't eggs go to office parties? Someone always ends up beaten.
Two eggs are in a pan. One says, 'It's hot in here.' The other says, 'Argh, a talking egg!'
Retirement plan: chickens. Nest egg sorted.
I'm not old. I'm just a bit hard-boiled.
Aaron didn't laugh at any of these. He did, however, laminate the receipt.
Egg pun names
Names for chickens, pets, group chats, Instagram accounts and anything else that needs a terrible name.
- Eggward - Formal. Wears a monocle.
- Shelly - The obvious one. Still great.
- Yolanda - Yolk-anda, if she's being fancy.
- Eggbert - Every egg box has an Eggbert.
- Sunny - Always side up.
- Benny - Short for Benedict. Comes with hollandaise.
- Omie - Short for omelette. Folded. Cosy.
- Scrambles - For a chaotic chicken. Or a cat.
- Poachie - The quiet one. Sneaks things.
- Hatchley - Sounds like a posh school.
- Henrietta - For the head hen.
- Sir Lays-a-Lot - For the hardest-working hen.
- Eggnes - Pronounced Agnes. Nobody will get it. Do it anyway.
- Al Bumen - Short for albumen, the egg white. Science pun.
- Clucky - For a hen who won't stop talking.
- Dippy - Dippy egg and soldiers. A northern classic.
- Eggsy - Cool egg. Wears sunglasses indoors.
If you keep hens, Sir Lays-a-Lot is the one. Make sure he's actually a she first. Awkward otherwise.
The best of the bunch, on one page
The 100 broken down by type, with the three best from each batch and the pick of the hen names. Save it, pin it, send it to someone who deserves it. Ayden has sent it to everyone. Twice.
Questions people actually ask
What's the best egg pun?
"Eggs-actly" is the most useful, because it fits in any conversation. "Eggs-cellent" is the classic. "Eggs-pensive" is the most topical. Pick one. Use it until someone stops you.
What do you call a funny egg?
A practical yolker. It's in the kids' section for a reason. It works on adults too.
What's a good egg pun for a caption?
"Shell-ebrate good times", "Have an egg-cellent weekend" or "Sunny side up" for a breakfast photo. "Eggs-actly what I needed" for a brunch you're showing off.
Are these original?
Most of them are ours. A few are old playground jokes that belong to everyone - the egg that was a little chicken, the one that crossed the road, New Yolk. We didn't invent them. We just told them louder.
Why does the egg get so many puns?
Because "ex" starts hundreds of English words, and "yolk" sounds like "joke". The egg was born for this.
Are there any about cooking?
Every one of them, if you're cooking. Try them out while you make our meringues, Yorkshire puddings or aioli. Whisking is the perfect time. Nobody can leave.
That's 100. Use them wisely, use them often, and never apologise. Eesha would like it known she contributed none of these. She contributed the detentions.
Now go and cook something. Then crack a joke about it.
